Qubool hai!

Apparently a woman who says Qubool Hai in Nikkah to a man is considered equal to her saying yes to anything and everything even if it is against her wishes. Marriage is an alluring tie which is based on the fundaments of love and trust. A lot of us don’t believe that we even need laws to intervene a pure relationship like marriage.
The society again fails to bring stability here. Who do we blame? A topic like marriage in Pakistan heaved up other subtopics like religion which again exacerbates this argument. Many people believe that marriage is a certificate to enter intimacy with your significant other. But is it everything that a marriage comprises of? Where is the argument of consent for married women? In Pakistan, social taboos like sex and consent are so deeply rooted in the society, especially the women that they don’t want to talk about it openly.

Surprisingly, many women are reluctant to this topic and they believe that their husband’s needs are above everything and saying no would be against their duties. But is it even right to blame the women for having this mind set? Most of us grow in a male dominated household where the conversation starts and ends with the man of the family. No questions allowed further. When girls step into adolescence, they are taught on how to please their husbands as this is the only way to a successful marriage. But marital rape is unjust to a woman who doesn’t even believe that a term like this exists. We need to stop expecting women to accept it in the name of a compromising marriage.
Another popular belief is that if the husbands aren’t satisfied enough, they will end up cheating. Shabaash mere cheeton!! Sadly, this is the truth in Pakistan because people believe that you enter into a marriage with the expectation to satisfy this particular need. It is necessary to accept that marital rape exists and is a form of domestic violence.

“46.9% women reported non-consensual sex, which is a significant percentage, and shows that while there is no law on marital rape, it does not mean that it does not happen,” states a survey.

In a survey of women in Islamabad and Rawalpindi, about 97% women have accepted being subjected to domestic violence by their husbands

“When two people are married, what happens between them should stay in the house no matter whatever is happening can be pretty horrific too”. My only concern is that when are we going to get out of this mentality? Our state fails to form laws on this because of the sensitivity of the people towards it. Well, I’m not sure if we’re insensitive or ignorant looking at how religion is dragged into this simple query of consent. Pakistan is growing as a society but a minor percentage is moving towards that growth. More than half of the country remains in dungeons of suppressed thoughts. Ever heard of a paradox? Yes, that’s exactly what our relationship is with the laws of this country, laws that are hardly established and followed keeping in mind the convenience and mostly shaped according to the situation. The consent between the law and the acceptance of the law among people is far unbalanced that a consent between a “loving husband” and his wife.

Now that we have been successful enough to brainwash our daughters from their right to speak up against any form of injustice, how about we bring a change to this? Marriage is not a legal certificate to bring in a new generation. It is much above that. A woman is not an object to take forward your ‘nasal’. For a change, let’s teach our sons the massive responsibilities of a marriage keeping aside the intimacy. Let’s teach our sons that no means no. Intimacy isn’t the right of the man alone in a marriage so let’s not hold back when talking about intimacy from a woman’s point of view. Ever heard of hormones? Yes, women have these chemical messengers more than you men do! Women don’t need to shape themselves to believe that they cannot say no. Marriage shouldn’t be scaring you girls out there. It should be making you believe in endless love and protection from your significant other. If the man is a breadwinner of the family, that doesn’t give him the right to suppress his wife who stays home all day. All these years, we’ve expected women to be more sacrificing, to be more considerate, to be more giving and in the name of compromise what do they get? Why can’t we teach our sons to be the compromising one? If a woman can go through hell to save her marriage, why can’t a man take a no as a no to save his relationship? Surely, he wont because ‘auratein ghar basati hain’. This has to go.
All the aunties who ever said that if you don’t satisfy your husband, “wo yahan wahan moo maarta phirega” has to go!!! Women are supposed to be a shield to one another because if your husband is not sincere enough, he’s going to cheat on you anyway (yahan wahan moo maarta phirega). Don’t be fooled by the unpopular and irrelevant beliefs of these aunties.

To all of you calling their wives their ‘ghairat’, phir iss ‘ghairat’ ki izzat karo kyunki

USKA JISM USKI MARZI.

Lost frequencies

 

Living in a conservative society where the words “liberalism” and “open-mindedness” spark a storm of fury among the ill-educated and those of the conservative mindset, it has become very difficult for people to truly express themselves. The fact of the matter is, we are being bred to follow a few specified paths that our elders or the dominant members of the society deem suitable for us.

What they fail to realise is that every individual is different from the other in their own right. Every aspect of our lives has been pre-determined and thrust upon us as we are mere slaves born to a rather conservative God. I have seen people who are extremely talented but are not able to express themselves simply because the society won’t let them.

What’s wrong with being different? What’s wrong with Arts instead of Sciences? What’s wrong with jeans instead of shalwar kameez? These problems are not limited to a particular caste, generation or gender.

So, what does happen to these people? They become subject to a mass production of robots whose passions and dreams are killed for the sake of keeping a good image and financial success. Is all of that really necessary?

As a society, we must learn to acknowledge the qualities of others and let them be free in expressing themselves. Otherwise, they all would just get lost in the system, confused souls with no where to go. Just like our fingerprints we are all different, unique and we must not let our children fall victim to this tragedy.

Learn, think, grow and above all, adapt!

 

Thanks for tuning in.

Zubair Ahsan.

Express yourself to the fullest.

Freedom of expression is a fundamental human right. The right to speak your mind freely on important issues and to have personal opinions plays a vital role in the development of any society. This freedom of expression leads to the making of a confident and intelligent nation. Progress does not take place when like minded people sit and agree with each other; it happens when there is a diversity and acceptance to that diversity in the society.

In recent years, we have seen a decline in the open-mindedness and acceptance in our society. If you don’t support the party that I support then you are unpatriotic. If you don’t pray the way I do then you are kafir. The best example of this can be seen in our talk shows.

Thirteen journalists were killed in the year 2016.

We, as a nation, need to be strong and mature enough to be able to listen to others, disagree or agree and leave it at that. If we possess that strength and maturity, we can discuss taboo issues like religion and politics too. They may not be that irrational or absurd. And if you can’t agree with their viewpoint, then agree to disagree. Do not burn the bridges over a difference of opinion. It is just not worth it. Think like Thomas Jefferson who says :

“I never considered a difference of opinion in politics, in religion, in philosophy, as cause for withdrawing from a friend”.

In other words freedom of expression is agreeing to disagree, which is a skill that requires a lot of tolerance and patience. When I look around I observe that most of the arguments start with a difference of opinion. People keep trying to convince others to agree to what they think is right. People become emotionally disturbed during a disagreement, or an argument. In such cases our personality usually feels hurt and demeaned. This attitude of ‘my way or the high way’ gives birth to conflicts and arguments. Mostly the only reason we find other people annoying is that they are other people, not us. They have other lifestyles, different opinions, weird views and we see no point in it.

The right to freedom of expression provides a way in which people of radically different opinions can live together without violence. I may think you are wrong and you may think the same of me. But it is better for both of us, and for those around us, if we agree to settle our issue with facts, figures and patience instead of issuing fatwas.

Freedom of expression is a right of each and every human being.

The right to express yourself should allow you to :

• Speak your mind
• Express yourself without any reprecussions
• Act upon your own views
• Allow for peaceful debate

‘If freedom of speech is taken away the dumb and silent we may be led, like sheep to the slaughter.” George Washington